Since my daughter is going to getting married in a few short weeks, one of her many tasks is to clear out her bedroom/drawers/closet. I let her know that when she marries, her belongings go with her…including childhood mementos.. I think by end of August I might finally have a real craft room and place to store all my yarn in one place! 

In the midst of clearing out her closet, she came across her baby book and apparently it was pretty emotional for her when she got to the end section called, Mother’s Reflections. She told me she was crying as she read my responses. It has been so long since I had read them, I looked through them later. I can see why she cried…so did I. 

They were simple questions. How you changed my life: You gave me life at a time when I didn’t want to go on living. You are my angel sent from God. What I have learned from you: Life is precious My greatest joys: Seeing your smiling face and having you cuddle up to me. My wishes for you: growing up feeling as if you knew your daddy even though you never got to meet him. Most of these answers are probably not your typical answers in a baby book. Honestly, I can’t believe I had the energy to write anything in the book.

Her baby announcement wasn’t your normal one with a photo, name, weight and length, It was a letter that included those things as well as my grief spilling out onto the paper. Some excerpts from it: John may not have physically been present for Danielle’s birth, but I know in my heart he was guiding the doctor’s hands…..His spirit will live on forever in our children. They are his proud legacy. John gave me the two most precious gifts of life, for which I am forever grateful….At times the pain of losing John has been almost unbearable, however the experience of loving and knowing him is worth the pain that I am enduring… not your average birth announcement. I know how heartbroken I was after my first husband’s death, but it wasn’t until I went back and read through her baby book, that I was reminded of that raw grief that I felt.

I will never forget a conversation I had with a woman shortly after John’s death. Her dad had died when she was young and her mother had remarried. I referenced her “stepfather.” She quickly corrected me. She said, he’s not my stepdad, he is my dad. As sad as it is that I didn’t get to know my biological father, he wasn’t the man that raised me and walked me down the aisle when I got married. I remember thinking, my children won’t ever call another man, “Dad.”

However, when God opened my heart back up to love again and I met Pat, I can see why that woman was put in my pathway. For 21 years, my children have called Pat, Dad. He is not their stepfather. He is the man that has raised them and called them his own. When I am talking about John with them, I will say, your dad, John. I don’t ever forget that it is because of John and our love that I have both of my children.

While a bit emotional, reminiscing this past week has been good for me. God gave us tear ducts for a reason. It is okay to cry. It helps heal our soul. Which brings me back to the scripture at the beginning of this post, I remember the days long ago. I reflect on all that you have done. I carefully consider what your hands have made. Psalm 143 is a prayer for help. David is pleading to God in a time of crisis. While I wasn’t praying to be delivered from my enemies as David was, 26 years ago my life was in upheaval and God delivered me from my grief. I have come a long way since the days of that baby book. 

Despite any hardships, we can experience abundant life. They can draw us closer to God. We can persevere because He is by our side. When you expect to see something positive come out of a difficult time, it makes life more bearable. My daughter’s birth was on of the things that sparked hope in my heart. Do you know someone currently going through a trial that you can reach out to this week? What word or deed can you provide them that might shine the light of Jesus into their day?

Dear Lord, 

Thank You for memories and tears that may come from some of them. I know you catch every single teardrop and heal broken hearts. I give You praise for all of the comfort You have given me over the years. Forgive me when I take Your provisions for granted. Let me not ever forget how faithful you have been and still are to me. Open my eyes to someone that I can speak words of hope and encouragement to this week. It is in Your precious Son Jesus’ name I pray all of these things. Amen.

July Memory Verse:

Memorizing Hebrews 10:24 is a reminder for me to be thinking of ways I can encourage others in my small groups.

“And let us consider how to stir up one another to love and good works,”—Hebrews 10:24

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