“Let us be thankful, then, because we receive a kingdom that cannot be shaken. Let us be grateful and worship God in a way that will please him, with reverence and awe;”—Hebrews 12:28 (GNT)

My church is currently in the middle of a 6-week series called, Promises. One of the questions to answer this week was, Tell us about a time in your life you struggled with guilt and experienced God’s forgiveness and grace. Initially, I left it blank.

 For the month of February, I joined something on Instagram called, Fiberuary Challenge. Each day there is a prompt for us to post a picture. The challenge for Wednesday was, Hands. What immediately came to mind was the date, February 16th.  On that day 32 years ago, my hands were given in marriage to John Gardemal not ever imagining I wouldn’t be holding his hand 4 years later. 

Being reminded of the date, had me circling back to answer the question I had left blank. Even though I was raised in the church, I never really heard who God was. I had an unhealthy view of Him. It was one of judgment and punishment. I was no different than people in the Bible who thought when something bad happened to you, it had be for a sin you had committed. This is probably what others who don’t know Christ think as well. At least, I did. 

When John first died, I thought I was being punished for some of my past life choices. Maybe if I would have saved myself for marriage this wouldn’t have happened to me. You lacked compassion to a widowed single mom…  I could go on and on the lies Satan wanted me to believe….that I had done something to deserve it. The last thing he wanted was for me to find out who God really is. 

 We are to have a reverent fear for God. The definition for reverence is, feeling, exhibiting, or characterized by reverence; deeply respectful: God expects us to respect His commands. The 10 commandments are not suggestions for us. They are a way for us to live. Does God discipline us when we are outside of His will? Yes. However, we all have free will and live in a fallen world where bad things happen to good people. 

Was it God’s will for John to die when he did? I don’t know. What matters is how I choose to live my life when I get thrown a curve ball. Do I get angry and blame God? Or do I choose to believe, despite my circumstances, God can use it to glorify Him? I am who I am because of my past, even the years I was far from God.

 When I accepted Jesus Christ into my life as my Lord and Savior, my eyes were opened. I saw God’s grace, love, mercy and compassion He had for a sinner like me. God loved me so much, He wanted me to find His Son. For 26 years I have been living for Jesus. I can’t imagine a life without Him. 

 In my Bible reading plan, I am in the book of Leviticus. I cannot tell you how thankful I am that we don’t have to follow all those rules and laws for preparing sacrifices to God to atone for our sins. God doesn’t want us to be afraid of Him. He wants us to come to Him knowing that He loves us so much that He sent His Son, Jesus as the ultimate sacrifice. 

Father God, 

I pray for this to be a time where either people are drawn to you or brought back to You. I ask for faith to be restored to those who have wandered from You. Thank You for Your abundant grace, love and mercy for me. Continue to transform me to be more like Jesus. Show me ways this week that I can bless people whose spirit needs encouragement. I praise You that You can use me as a vessel to share the love of Jesus. It is in the name of Jesus that I pray these things. Amen.

 February Verse

“In the same way, let your light shine before others, that they may see your good deeds and glorify your Father in heaven.”—Matthew 5:16

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