“The LORD says, “I will guide you along the best pathway for your life. I will advise you and watch over you.”—Psalm 32:8 (NLT)

Last week I mentioned how some things had come to the surface with my daughter regarding my first husband’s death. Her counselor had encouraged her to start a blog about what she was feeling to help her process it. I shared with her my post before it went live. My hope was that maybe it would encourage her with hers.

What her counselor didn’t know when she suggested this to her was what a gifted writer she is. She did get her first post written and posted last Monday evening called, The Journey Begins. It is beautifully written (okay, I know I am biased, but it really is). She is raw and honest about her feelings. I would encourage you to read it as well as her second post, The Father I Never Knew.

Had blogs been around 28 years ago, rather than chronicling my grief and faith journey in a journal, I probably would have been writing online about it instead. I guess that is what I am doing now isn’t it?

Maybe this could lead to her and I one day writing a book together from the perspective of the mother and the daughter? God has a plan. I don’t know what it is, but He does. His Word tells us that He brings beauty out of ashes (Isaiah 61:3) I know He is weaving a beautiful story from all of this.

I’m not going to lie, initially, as I read her words, I did feel some guilt. I let the lies of the enemy creep into my head that I could have prevented this from happening. God impressed on my heart, Lisa, you did the best you could. You are a good mother. Look at the example you were for her on how to channel your grief through your writing.

Let me be clear; any feelings of guilt I may have felt were self-inflicted. My daughter hasn’t ever placed any blame on me. If anything, I think her heart hurts for me thinking about what I endured.

I feel like I need to say this to any parent who may be beating themselves up for feeling like they could have done better raising their children. Stop listening to the lies of the enemy. I am sure every parent would do things differently if they could turn back the clock, but we can’t. We grow, learn, and do our best to break generational curses.

Rather than let Satan shame me into feeling like I wasn’t a good mother, God opened my eyes to see the positive (here is that word again!) in all of this. My daughter is using her God given talent of writing. As much as I had hoped my love for knitting would be passed on to her (I’m still holding out hope for this 😉), my love for writing was. I cannot express in words how much it warms my heart to see her becoming an author before my eyes.

You might not have noticed, but the title of this post capitalized the word WAY. That was the name of the young widows support group I led and facilitated for a few years called Widowed and Young as well as my first book, Widowed and Young….Learning a new WAY of Life. God reminded me; I was widowed and young when all of this happened. I do need to give myself grace. There is no guidebook on how to raise young children when your spouse dies at such a young age or how to deal with being pregnant and widowed. I did my best and prayed, prayed, prayed.

Grief can be beneficial to our spiritual growth. It draws us near to our Heavenly Father for healing and comfort so we can lean into Him during the difficult seasons. If you are struggling with shame or guilt, know those aren’t from Your Loving Father. He wants you to lay those feelings (that is what they are feelings. They aren’t the truth) at the foot of the cross. It is life changing when we do this. 

Father God,

Forgive me when I let the enemy’s lies stir up feelings of guilt. Thank You for reminding me of things I have gotten right in life. Only You could guide me on how to raise up a son and daughter after Your heart. I give You praise for Your unending love, grace and mercy in my life. I lift those up to You who are on their own journey of grief. I pray for hearts to be healed and memories to be mended. I pray all of these things in the mighty name of Jesus. Amen.

February Verse

“Let the peace of Christ rule in your hearts, since as members of one body you were called to peace. And be thankful.” –Colossians 3:15

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