“How happy are the people who worship you with songs, who live in the light of your kindness!—Psalm 89:15 (GNT)

June is always a month I reflect on how far I have come on my faith journey. As the anniversary of my first husband’s death approaches next week, I am reminded of when I found Jesus during that dark time as well as reflect on my life and His provisions the past 29 years.

A few months ago, I shared a children’s book about death with a friend. It brought to mind a nighttime routine I had with this book with my then my two-year old son, Brandon and how God used one night to comfort me. The book I had was called, When Dinosaurs Die A Guide to Understanding Death.

While reading it, we would talk about his daddy in heaven. One evening when I was reading it to him, I broke down crying. Brandon sat up and said, Don’t cry mommy. I cried,I am just so sad, baby. I love you and miss your daddy. He was in a Mother’s Day Out program where he had learned a song. He started singing it to me and doing the hand motions to it. It was called, Jesus’ Love is Bubbling Over.

I had never heard this song but as he was singing it to me, I couldn’t help but feel as if God was holding me in my weakness through that song sung through my sweet little boy. He was telling me, I got you. My love is overflowing into You right now. If we can take a breath in those dark moments, we are able to see those flickers of light.

My precious little boy was my saving grace. At the end of the day, I got to have him cuddle up next to me to read him bedtime stories. As sad as I would get, I was thankful I had a tangible reminder of the man I had loved. Many widows/widowers don’t have children when their spouse dies or they are grown and out of the house.

While preparing for this post, I came across a quote by Carl Sandburg; A baby is God’s opinion that life should go on. I know many felt sorry for me because I was pregnant, but Danielle’s birth was another comfort for me. It was John’s last gift to me. The gift of life. God reminding me that even though I was grieving death, I had new life in my baby girl.

If you are going through a rough patch, I know how much of a struggle it can be to find moments of joy, but they are there if we really search for them.  On those darker days, we may have to look a little harder for them. My son singing that sweet song opened my eyes to how God was holding me in His arms to comfort me.

Jesus meets us where we are broken and hurting. If we let Him, it will change us. God met me at that low place and wove it into a part of my calling. He gave me a heart of compassion that led me to want to learn how to knit so I could make prayer shawls for people going through grief. I never imagined how God was going to use knitting as a way to evangelize His love to others, but He did and still does.

When I remember how God has provided for me in the past, it is easier for me to trust Him with my future. I’m not focusing on the past by remembering this time in my life. I am focusing on God’s power at work in my life all these years later. By recognizing God’s former faithfulness, I am able to look forward to His future faithfulness. One day there will be no more pain and suffering. Amen!

Father God,

When I am tempted to give up, remind me of Your grace and mercy. I give You praise for sending Your son, Jesus, to restore hope and heal broken hearts. Only You could live out Psalm 89:15 through a precious two-year old. Thank You for opening my eyes through worship to live in the light of Your kindness. For those who are grieving today, may they find comfort in You. I ask for Your joy to break through the storm someone is walking through today, Shine the light of Your Presence on them to warm their soul and brighten their day. I pray these things in the might name of Jesus. Amen.

June Verse
“The LORD is near to all who call on Him, To all who call on Him in truth.”—Psalm 145:18 (NASB)

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