“But then I recall all you have done, O LORD; I remember your wonderful deeds of long ago.12 They are constantly in my thoughts. I cannot stop thinking about your mighty works.”—Psalm 77:11-12 (NLT)
I am going to be honest, I lost focus and got out of the habit I wrote about on June 2nd, What is Praiseworthy? I had started a list at the back of my journal with what in my life is praiseworthy. I also put a positive spin on the circumstances that were causing stress in my day. There was a two-week period where things were pretty chaotic in our home. Our house was in a disarray having the entire interior repainted.
Between decluttering for preparation and getting it put back together, my patience was wearing thin with my mother. My relationship with my mom has always been a challenge. Adding the Alzheimer’s diagnosis on top of that has definitely taken its toll on me emotionally the past 2 ½ years.
As I have shared, the past few months with my mom, her dementia has progressed to where we have been exploring other living options. Last week, a deposit was put down for a new facility for my mother closer to one of my brothers. We now wait until a room comes available for her. I have no idea when that will happen, but I trust God’s perfect timing.
With the added house stressors, I wasn’t exactly exuding the fruits of the spirit with my mother. In fact, on Saturday, I was struggling with her behavior. Thankfully my husband was with me to keep things in perspective for me.
I snapped at her and told my husband, I’m leaving, I can’t deal with this. He waved me away and stayed back with her. He walked my mother off the ledge to diffuse the situation allowing me to cool off.
The enemy knows our weak spots. No doubt God gave me the word focus for this year along with Philippians 4:8, because He knew what a struggle it would be for me. The devil’s desire is for me to fill my mind not with what is praiseworthy, but with negativity that will steal my joy.
When I respond in the flesh as I did, it doesn’t mean devil won. I go to my Lord and Savior to admit my behavior. I lay it at His feet and don’t beat myself up over it, which I was doing. God in His loving grace and mercy gave me a dream that night with my father in it.
I apologized to him for how I had been with my mom. He told me he understood. I then shared with him the new assisted living we had found. He told me it sounded nice. When I told him the price, he said, maybe I will join her. I woke up feeling peace.
While my earthly father was in my dream, my Heavenly Father was telling me He had already forgiven me. I hadn’t truly left it at His feet. I was still hanging on to it. Initially, when I woke up from that dream, I thought the peace I was feeling was my dad confirming my mother’s future living situation. However, I now realize it was me letting go of what God had already forgiven.
Remembering God’s track record is how we renew our confidence in God. He will do as He promises. Speaking out on gratitude for all He has done and is doing is what strengthens me. Meditating on it during my day is what gives me hope when I feel as if God is taking His time.
I remember His past faithfulness and how He is always at work even when I can’t see it. God giving me that dream was such a gift. It was exactly what I needed to give me the peace that had been escaping me.
If you are in a similar situation, reflect on your entire day. As I sit and type this, I am in awe of the beauty God has blessed me with so far this morning. I am able to look out my window and see beautiful blooms and hear the birds chirping. If nothing else goes “right” in my day, God blessed the start of my day with peace in His presence.
Father God,
Forgive me when I fall prey to the lies of self-pity. I ask for eyes of faith to see beyond my circumstances. Help me to be more adaptable to my situation. Your Word tells me in Psalm 77:11-12 when I remember Your past faithfulness and all You have done through the ages, Your mighty works stay on my mind. You are Almighty. With faith, nothing is impossible. Thank You for all of the blessings You sprinkle throughout my day as well as giving me that precious dream to replenish my restless heart. I lift those up to You who are struggling with finding peace in their day. Open their eyes to where and how You are working in their lives. I pray these things in the mighty name of Jesus Christ. Amen.
July Verse
“He makes the whole body fit together perfectly. As each part does its own special work, it helps the other parts grow, so that the whole body is healthy and growing full of love.”—Ephesians 4:16 (NLT)
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