“A gentle answer deflects anger, but harsh words make tempers flare.”—Proverbs 15:1 (NLT)
Words hurt deeply. While our tongue is small, it can either bless or curse others. James 3:1-12 talks about the power of the tongue. Using our words to speak wisdom and peace are ways we can speak life.
I don’t remember the name of the documentary I watched on Amazon, but it followed a few families dealing with loved ones that had some kind of dementia. One of the families was a mother in her 40’s. She had a ten-year-old daughter. The dad was getting frustrated talking to his wife. The daughter reminded him of what the counselor had told them. She said,“Dad, remember; sweet and slow.” Much easier for the daughter to say and do since she isn’t the primary caretaker like her father. I get his frustration.
In fact, I had a similar situation with my daughter this past week. We stopped by to see my mom. My daughter is a speech therapist so has some experience in dealing with the elderly with memory issues. A recurring situation occurred with my mother (when I say “recurring,” it something I hear EVERY time I visit her). I know I was kind of short with her and brushed off what she was complaining about.
I quickly left the room to get something. When I reentered, my mom was crying, and my daughter was lovingly responding to her. After we left, she told me, “Mom, you just need to validate her feelings. I know they might not be rational, but you just need to acknowledge them.” I told her I would try, but I wasn't sure I had it in me. This is true. However, with Christ isn’t anything possible? (Philippians 4:13)
Proverbs 15:1 a good reminder for not just me, but all of us. “A gentle answer deflects anger, but harsh words make tempers flare.”—(NLT) I know being gentle with my mother will help deflect her negativity. While I don’t have to condone her talking nasty about someone, I can say, I am sorry you feel that way and quickly change the topic by showing her a picture of one of her grandchildren. Redirecting someone with dementia really does help.
Just being real here, with my mother, taming my tongue has been a challenge for me. The only way I can succeed in this area of my life is through the power of the Holy Spirit. I have had to work on the tone of my voice. When she gets self-focused, she doesn’t listen. I find myself using a harsh or stern tone with her. Even though I am calm, she thinks I am yelling at her. My husband reminds me to soften my delivery with her. I might have to fake a gentler tone and “validate her emotions,” but doing that results in a better outcome.
Spending time with the Lord each morning has been my anchor. Before I pick up the phone send an email, text or go out the front door, I ask the Holy Spirt to fill, guide, and lead me. I am more likely to guard my tongue before I say something that I may regret. Do I always succeed? Of course not, I apologies have been made over the years for things I have said or done that were not Spirit-filled.
Our mouth has the ability to harm others. Through scripture, we can learn how to tame our tongue and use it for God’s glory. We are called to give life giving words to others. It is a work in progress for all of us….at least for me it is.
Father God,
I pray the Holy Spirit guard my tongue. Help me to live out Proverbs 15:1 using gentle words to deflect anger. Forgive me when what comes out of my mouth is not God honoring. Fill me up so words of love and encouragement flow out of me to help diffuse a negative situation. Only through Your strength can I accomplish this. I lift those up to You who are listening to the lies of the enemy that they can’t change their behavior. In Christ, all things are possible. I pray these things in the name of Jesus. Amen.
April Verse
“The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy; I have come that they may have life, and have it to the full.”—John 10:10
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