“Trust in him at all times, you people; pour out your hearts to him, for God is our refuge.—Psalm 62:8
I’ll be honest; this past week I haven’t been good about trusting God in all times. I have no problem pouring out my heart to Him, but letting it go and trusting God with the outcome has been more of a challenge for me.
My head tells me to God is omniscient. His plans and purposes are beyond my own human understanding. I know this, but I have been letting my emotions fuel my actions.
My mom’s move to memory care near my brother all fell in place. I was so at peace with her move knowing the background of some of the key people. However, the facility was recently bought out so now there are some major staffing changes as well as staff shortages in the memory care area.
Up until March, my brother also had a job where he was able to check on her every morning around breakfast. He unexpectedly had a career change which has him on the road traveling so he is unable to make a daily appearance. I feel as if the staff isn’t as attentive with my mother now since they know he won’t be checking on her in person daily.
My most recent visit with my mother was quite unsettling. She was still asleep in bed at my early afternoon arrival. They told me she hadn’t slept well and wanted to let her sleep.
Had they checked on her, they would have seen her beet red face. I felt her forehead and it was hot. I had them take her temperature. It was 102. I made sure they gave her medicine for it as well as fluids.
And…her room reeked of urine. Dirty laundry overflowing in both her hampers as well as dirty sheets thrown on a chair. Thankfully my mother has no sense of smell, but it hurts my heart to know she is living in such disarray, especially with her personal appearance. She would be mortified.
I stroked her arm and told her, mom, you know it is okay if you want to go be with Jesus now. I know you wouldn’t want to be living this way. She didn’t know who I was either. One of the resident’s wives that is there every day visiting her husband, said to her, do you know who this pretty young lady is? Her response was, no, I don’t know her. I said, that’s okay. I’m your daughter, Lisa.
The following morning, one of the outside aides that has been visiting her told me, They are not caring for her like they should. The reality is, it isn’t just my mother. There are other residents receiving similar care.
Of course, that was when my emotions went into high gear. After a few days, I was making phone calls about moving her back here. I was having some sleepless nights trying to figure out what I needed to do. Let me tell you, was I convicted when I woke up after one of those nights and read Psalm 62:8.
Before I started my morning quiet time, I said, Lord, let the Holy Spirit speak to me through Your Word. Well, that is exactly what He did! I felt as if God was telling me, Lisa, you are having no problem crying and pouring out your heart to me, but you aren’t trusting me. I know the bigger picture. Stop trying to control this.
Shortly after that, I spoke with her hospice nurse after she visited my mother. She recommended we hire a private caregiver for a few hours a day until the new management makes some changes. That does sound like a better plan that having to get hospice to make a 3–4-hour drive transfer setting her up somewhere closer to me.
I did put out my feelers for a few places in my area, so we have a back-up plan. I forgot to mention, we also got a letter from her facility preparing us that they may no longer be able to meet her care needs due to her needing so much assistance now. The next level of care for her is skilled nursing.
By the end of the week, with the new management in place, we are seeing some changes being made as well as having an amazing hospice social worker who is being a great advocate for my mother. She has set up a meeting for family, hospice and key people at the facility to address my mother’s caregiving needs.
God is providing. He shined peace into my troubled heart and mind. My energy shifted from trying to figure it out on my own to trusting and thanking God.
This has all been a lot to process, but thankfully, I have two brothers and their wives who are also part of this decision making, so it isn’t all on me. What sustains me is knowing one day my mom will be at home with Jesus and no longer in pain and suffering.
Father God,
Forgive me when I let my emotions guide my actions rather than trust You with the outcome that You already know. I may not understand it, but I know You have a plan and purpose in all of this. Thank You that I don’t have to carry this burden alone. Thank You for blessing me with supportive family and friends. I pray these things in the name of Jesus. Amen.
April Verse
“The LORD is near to everyone who prays to him, to every faithful person who prays to him.”—Psalm 145:18 (GW)
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