“For since the world began no one has seen or heard of such a God as ours, who works for those who wait for him!”—Isaiah 64:4 (TLB)
Isaiah 64:4 tells me; if I wait on God, He will work on my behalf. Isn’t the wait where many of us (at least me) are tempted to take things into our own hands to make things happen sooner?
For those of you who have been on this journey with me and my mother’s Alzheimer’s, I frequently write about my struggles with it. We have good and bad weeks. During a good week, more than likely my post doesn’t have anything to do with it. On a bad week, I am more than likely going to have a story.
Obviously, this past week was a challenging one. For one, there has been a glitch with the repetitive call feature on her phone. This means, non-stop calls one after another until someone finally answers.
On one particular day, I was trying to get out of the door to meet a good friend for lunch. My mom would not stop calling. It got so bad, if anyone tried to call me, it would go straight to voicemail because of it. I had been waiting on an important phone call.
I looked down and I see a message. It was from the Texas DPS regarding a home visit to get my mother a valid Texas ID. The call was to confirm the day/time. I couldn’t get through to any of the numbers they left me. I was super aggravated I had missed the call due to her incessant calls.
After 15 minutes of trying to reach a human, I gave up and said, Lord, I ask for Your favor with this and let it go. Looking at the time and not wanting to be late for lunch, I rushed out the door without my knitting which was inside my bag of knit gifts.
I didn’t realize it until I go to my destination. I saw a woman with a headscarf that looked as if she was going through cancer treatments. I was mad at myself for letting my mother’s behavior get in my head. I rarely go anywhere without my bag of gifts that I give away.
My lunch date with my friend had been rescheduled from the prior week. I have no doubt God orchestrated it. He knew on that day, I was going to need her support and prayers. It did fill my weary soul to spend an hour with her.
I would have liked to visit longer but had to get my mother to a doctor appointment. Which leads to the title of my post, Waiting Room. Sitting in the doctor’s waiting area, all I could think of was, This is going to be a beating. I forgot my knitting. How am I going to keep my sanity in the waiting room with her? And…I have no knit gifts to bless anyone.
I’d like to say I took this opportunity to pray and focus on God. It was quite the opposite. I was resentful and feeling sorry for myself. Knowing it could possibly be months before a courtyard room is available for my mom, I was ready to pick up the phone and tell the assisted living where she is on a waitlist to let us know any time a room frees up no matter where it is located.
As tempting as it was to make that call, I know from past experience, nothing ever ends well when I take things in my own hands rather than wait on God’s perfect timing.
With traffic, waiting and the office visit, by the time I got her back to her assisted living, it was 3 hours with her. I knew it was going to throw her off being gone so long. When she is out of her routine for that length of time, it confuses her even more. It would probably be a rough evening with her.
However, the silver lining in my day occurred as soon as I got home. My phone rang and it was the DPS calling to confirm the day/time of the homebound visit. Praise Jesus! God heard and answered my prayer from earlier. Because shortly after I received that call, my mom’s calls started up again.
The following morning, during my quiet time, I grabbed a scripture out of my jar of scriptures. It was Isaiah 64:4. God knew I hadn’t completely put it to rest to reach out to the other assisted living. He was reminding me, if you wait on me, Lisa, I will work on Your behalf.
My brother called shortly after to talk about what had happened the prior evening. I did ask him that if by the end of August, they don’t have the desired room, I’d like to discuss reconsidering it.
I needed those reminders. God knew that morning wasn’t going to be much better with my mother. The phone feature still wasn’t working right. She was obsessing over “all” her towels being gone. I had 12 missed calls/messages about it when I checked my phone after a one-hour appointment.
I was not far from her facility. I wanted to make one last ditch effort to contact the phone’s customer service while I had her phone in my hand. Apparently there was a glitch in the software. I was told the IT was working on an update as all customers were affected by it.
As I was leaving my mom’s, in as nice of a voice as I could muster, I told her, when I leave here, unless it is an absolute emergency, do not call me. It lasted two hours. Her definition and mine of an emergency are much different. To her, not having multiple extra rolls of toilet paper is an emergency phone call (she had 6 rolls).
Reflecting on those two days, while I didn’t handle them with as much grace as God has given me, I didn’t lose it with her like I did a few weeks ago. I am a work in progress. We all are. Some days we may nail it and other days we are asking God for forgiveness. I am getting much better at being gentler with myself (a prayer a sweet prayer warrior of mine prays for me) when my words and actions with mother fall short.
We have a loving and understanding heavenly Father who loves us unconditionally. He knows and understands my stress. He lovingly put people in my path this past week to encourage me as well as a weekend trip to spend with my daughter and new grandson. Our prayers don’t fall on deaf ears.
Father God,
Thank You for friendships that lift me up when I am feeling down. I thank You for providing people and situations in my chaotic day that give me hope. Help me to be gentle on myself when I don’t respond in the most Christ-like behavior with my mother. I know when I humbly repent for wrong words or actions, I am forgiven. Once I have given it to You, remove any guilt the enemy wants me to hang on to. I thank You for Your grace enduring the challenging days. Remove any feelings of bitterness or resentment when they creep into my heart. May I keep my focus on You and all of the little blessings You sprinkle in my day. I trust You and Your perfect timing. I pray these things in the mighty name of Jesus Christ, Amen.
July Verse
“He makes the whole body fit together perfectly. As each part does its own special work, it helps the other parts grow, so that the whole body is healthy and growing full of love.”—Ephesians 4:16 (NLT)
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