“But if we confess our sins to God, he will keep his promise and do what is right: he will forgive us our sins and purify us from all our wrongdoing.”—1 John 1:9 (GNT)
Wednesday morning, my brother called me to let me know he was going to the assisted living near him to tell them we would take first available room for my mom. They sent me the paperwork to start the process to secure the available room. It turns out the person who was going to be moving into the courtyard room that had opened, decided they weren’t ready to relocate.
I felt as if that was confirmation from God, this was the right place for her. You would think knowing I only had a month left with my mother, I could be more patient with her. Unfortunately, the repetitive phone feature software still isn’t fixed. I am the one who gets the brunt of the majority of the calls.
She had a doctor appointment for her arthritic knee that day. Since she seemed to be in a good mindset, I thought we could leave a little early for it to stop by the jewelry store to see if a few of her rings could be adjusted to fit her better.
In hindsight, I shouldn’t have tried to squeeze both things into the day. I had allowed for an hour which should have been plenty of time. Except…when the young lady brought out the rings with the sizers in them, only two of the rings would fit her. The other one would have cost a significant amount of money to resize.
I told my mother, we needed to go because we had a doctor appointment, and we could revisit this another time. At this point, we have 10 minutes to get to the doctor’s office. My mom started crying. I told the young woman, we need to pay this bill and I can deal with this later. I am sorry to rush off, but we have a doctor appointment.
I am quickly walking out the door with my mother crying and hobbling behind me. In an uncompassionate voice, I am telling her, Come on mom. We have to go. We can talk about this later. We don’t want to be late.
I kept trying to redirect. Wow, look how clean your rings and necklace are! They look brand new. She kept going back to the ring she really wanted fixed. I sternly told her, Mom, right now my priority is not your rings. My priority is getting you to the doctor for your knee that is hurting you. I told you we would revisit this at another time. Now is not that time.
A few moments later, she looks down at her hands and is admiring her rings. She didn’t bring it up again. Then I start feeling bad for being short with her. I am telling myself, Lisa, you only have one month left with her. Why can’t you be more patient with her? Look at how you just acted at the jewelry store. You call yourself a Christian. You sure aren’t acting like one. So much for being gentler on myself.
While all those thoughts might have been true, I had already asked God to forgive me for my words and actions. The enemy wanted me to dwell on them as well as the guilt I was experiencing. Rather than be thankful my brother found a place closer to him where she will be near more family, I was also feeling guilty for being relieved she is moving.
After I dropped off my mom, I called one of my good friends crying. I shared what had happened. I said, I was even wearing my Knit,Pray,Share shirt. What kind of example am I setting? When I got off the phone with her, I felt the Holy Spirit prick my heart to go back by the jewelry store to apologize. I was frazzled when I left there. I know I didn’t properly thank her for her patience with my mother.
She and another employee (who also witnessed my behavior) were helping a customer. I told her, I don’t mean to interrupt but I wanted to apologize for rushing out of here like I did earlier. I wanted to make sure to properly thank you for being so helpful. With my eyes filling with tears, I said, my mother has Alzheimer’s and she has been a lot. I am sorry for rushing out like I did.
She didn’t seem to think much of our visit, but I did. I have no idea where she or the other woman are in their faith walk. I knew and God knew if I didn’t go back by that store, I would have been listening to the negative internal dialogue I had been feeding myself earlier that afternoon.
Every morning is a fresh start to put aside the negativity of yesterday and praise God for positive things in the here and now. If I want joy tomorrow, I need to be sowing joys of happiness today. Consistently listening to my Spotify worship playlist this week has definitely been helping.
Choosing to fill myself with songs of praise, scripture and positive people are all ways to brighten my day. Praise the Lord by Micah Tyler is one song that lifts my spirits. Some of the lyrics; “So when the devil come try to get me gonna praise the Lord… I’m gonna sing it ; I’m gonna shout it, I’m gonna lift my hands and praise. No matter what is gonna come my way..”
This song is a great reminder for me to praise the Lord no matter what negativity comes my way. Being joyful around my mom the past few months has not been an easy task but He has provided me with many opportunities to revive my soul. I just have to tap into them. Only God can bring us peace and calm when the enemy is trying to steal it from us. It is hard for me to be a blessing to others when I don’t have the joy of Jesus flowing out of me. Every day, both you and I have a choice on how we are going to live.
Father God,
Thank You for being the place that bring me peace and calm. Thank You for giving me the strength to take on each day no matter what it brings. I praise You for Your faithfulness. Forgive me when my attitudes and actions don’t reflect Your character. Help me to focus on what matters most in Your kingdom. Loving You and loving others. Thank you for removing feelings of guilt and putting people in my pathway that lift me up from them. Lead me to someone this week that is feeling discouraged to let them know they matter, and God loves them. I pray these things in the mighty name of Jesus Christ. Amen.
July Verse
“He makes the whole body fit together perfectly. As each part does its own special work, it helps the other parts grow, so that the whole body is healthy and growing full of love.”—Ephesians 4:16 (NLT)
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